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“How do you get your kids to sleep?” Should I sleep train, or should I not sleep train?” I'm guessing you've landed here, and you're reading this because well, sleep, or lack of!
We all need it. Babies. Toddlers. Adults. Men. Women. Children. TRUST ME. No one does well without sleep, but ME? I am the devil when I don’t get sleep. That’s why I will be the first mama to say I HATE THE NEWBORN STAGE. #noguilt. I love my children with all my heart, but MAN, those first 3 months are ROUGH! (Am I right?). I tell ALL my new mama friends, you just have to make it past the first 90 days, & it gets better! I also had to remind myself that when I would roll over at 3 a.m. listening to a screaming baby who wanted to be nursed, while my husband laid there so peaceful, sleeping through it all, while I secretly wanted to murder him. Oh, to be a man. And you can't tell me I'm the only one who wanted to throw water on my husband at 3 a.m. so he could breastfeed the baby, and I would be sleeping soundly through the night with a newborn. (I know, I live in a dream world when I'm sleep deprived). Disclaimer: I really do love my husband too. Like I said, me + no sleep = MEAN Brianne.
Anywho.. I’m probably going to get A LOT of backlash for this, but it’s fine. I’m about as prepared as I can be, because I KNOW it will help those of you that stick with me. With that being said, I truly believe that as a mom, it is not only our job to teach good manners, good behaviour, raise children who are not total a-holes, etc, but also to teach good sleep habits. Now, I am not a sleep coach. I am not a doctor. In fact, I have no medical background.. I am just a mama of 2, who does A LOT of research, & needs her sleep.
One of my ALL-TIME fav books that I recommend to all my mama friends is “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Dr Mark Weissbluth. He talks about sleep in babies, toddlers and even adolescents, and the IMPORTANCE of “early bedtimes”. I swore by this book with my first child, and continue to swear by it for my 8 month old. Yes, sometimes they don’t see their Father, if he’s working late, but we both know the importance of it, so it doesn't matter. Seriously - go buy the book RIGHT NOW. You can get it here: https://amzn.to/2xaOHPU
Some key points of the book:
- Get rid of BAD sleep habits as soon as possible.
- Encourage GOOD sleep habits
- Early bedtimes are necessary.
- what's "considered" sleeping through the night
- knowing and understanding the different sleep training methods, and which one would be best for your family.
Might I also add that it DOES NOT matter if your child is breastfed, or formula fed - they CAN, I REPEAT, they can sleep through the night!! Exciting, isn't it? Did you know that when babies are sleeping that's when they're learning? Their brains are making connections at an ALARMING speed. According to a Canadian study published in 2008 in the journal, Sleep, children who get less than 10 hours of sleep every night before age 3 are more likely to develop language and reading problems among other brain disorders like ADHD as they grow older. Think of how much they learn in those first few years. In under two years, they learn how to smile, talk, walk, high five, wave, draw on the walls, think, act, feel, colour, write, and exactly how to test me. Meanwhile, I learned how to use my instapot. (It has very few buttons.)
So, for the sake of my sanity, and the entire house, it's so important to encourage good sleep early on! How? You've come to the right place. Keep Reading.
Get rid of bad sleep habits / sleep associations. A sleep association is basically any action that helps your baby fall asleep. Children of all ages, and even adults, have sleep associations whether they’re aware of them or not.
Examples of “BAD” sleep associations:
-feeding / nursing to sleep
-rocking to sleep
-sleeping beside the crib, or in it
-holding the babies hand until they’re sleeping
-bouncing to sleep
-driving them in the car until they fall asleep
-pushing them in the stroller, Etc.
Think as “negative” as something YOU, or someone else, has to do for baby, in order for them to fall asleep. Now, I kind of hate the term “negative” sleep association, because it makes me think of something “bad” and I don’t think “rocking to sleep” should be considered negative or bad – ya feelin’ me? So, the issue ISN’T the rocking, per say, but rather the fact that your baby now NEEDS you to rock them to sleep no matter what, because they can’t figure out how to get back to sleep without it. Hence those 2 a.m. wake-up calls and crying sessions that can majorly affect the entire house, and everyone’s quality of sleep.
Now, that you know and understand what a negative sleep association is, let’s talk about, and encourage our babies POSITIVE sleep associations!
Some examples include:
-humming
-singing
-biting a lovey
-sucking on their fingers, or thumb
-rocking, Etc.
You want to encourage these behaviours, instead of trying to do the work for them. Once they master their positive sleep association, you will not have to go into their room in the middle of the night to "soothe", unless of course they're hungry, or sick/teething - that's a whole 'nother ballgame though - maybe for another time, or read the book, he talks about it in there.
I am also a firm believer in “external sleep associations”. These are going to help baby to understand that it’s time to sleep. Examples: -White Noise Machine
-use of a Lovey, etc.
This is where a bedtime routine comes into play. You can take a peak at our current bedtime routine here ---> https://bit.ly/2VJ0WNR
When to address negative sleep associations and what to do about them?
It is never too late to start, but ideally, the age is 4-6 months old. 4 months is great, because your baby has not had a lot of time to master the bad sleep habits, so they’re easier to break. The older your child is, the more ingrained the habit is, and the harder it will be to break. I love how in the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child DR. Weissbluth he talks about different methods, and how your childs temperament plays a role in which method to choose as well! Talk to your pediatrician if you need help with determining the right one, if you’re unsure.
Sleep training can be a very effective way to break a negative sleep association. And, if you prepare well ahead of time, it may take only a few days to break – HELLO SLEEP.
I recommend, like every other person out there to put your baby down drowsy but awake – insert eye roll. I know, I used to also roll my eyes when people said that to me with my first because she is HELLA stubborn, compared to what my 2nd child is. But, trust me, the earlier you implement this rule, the better! Your child WILL learn, just stay consistent. If you have a strong willed child, I pray for you. It's going to be a lot harder then if your childs temperament was more easy-going. I know this from experience. Hang in there mama.
The goal of training is to encourage your baby to self-soothe. That way, when they wake up in the middle of the night, they can do their own sleep association, and you as their parent, don’t have to get involved. Every baby is different, but every baby is capable. Consistency is key if you decide to sleep train, whatever method you choose, whether it’s Ferber, or extinction, or whatever, you have to stick to your guns, or baby will get confused. Don’t give in. Listen to your mama instincts. & trust me – it’s so worth it.
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